Why are men reluctant to attend Singles events?

Why are men reluctant to attend Singles events?

Is it because the event is labeled "singles" event?

This is a question I am asked a lot.It’s worth remembering that, not all the women at these events are expecting a marriage proposal.

These events are really just an opportunity to mingle with and meet other people to make new friends, encourage each other in your faith and see what happens.

On the whole, men are very different to women. Women are much better at social interaction especially if it involves sitting around talking. The event would have to be something ‘extremely special’ to get a man away from the sports on TV. They think socials are just not worth the effort.

The older they are the more difficult it is.Men see the word ‘Single’ they assume they’re going be pushed through some routine or awkward ice breaker, when they’d rather just be sipping a drink & chilling. Men do not generally like structured dating situations because they do not like the feeling of being trapped in a place where they have little or no control over their own situation.

We are getting used to seeing so many reality dating shows on TV nowadays, with images of the sometimes less than palatable, people trying these dating events in order to seek a mate.Men want the cream of the crop and sometimes they don’t expect to find the cream of the crop at these events, so they miss out. They themselves also do not want to be perceived as less than the best.

Men have said:

*The only way I'd consider going to singles social event to meet women would have been if there were a lot more men than women there.

*I will go if they have no choice.I have more interesting things to do than to get stuck in a crowd of people I don't know and having to engage in superficial chit-chat about nothing.

*If mostly women are showing up, who wants to be the 1 guy all women are snubbing. Best to hold out for a 1 on 1 rejection.Every singles event I've seen has been geared to attract women, to give women something to do and assumes men will just show up for women.I hate speed-dating things. If I want to meet strangers, I'll do that on my own, away from a performance scenario.

*The prospect of being somewhere I don’t know anybody & where the environment is conspicuous by its design for people to mingle, would scare me.The internet is much more efficient.

Other reasons:

Lack of information (17 percent) Single parenting responsibilities (15 percent) Fear of rejection (12 percent) Fear of humiliation (9 percent) Work (8 percent) Shyness (6 percent) Lack of time (6 percent) Not wanting to get involved (3 percent)

How can singles ministries attract more men to singles events?

*Physical Activity. (Men like to be doing something & they like Competition, gadgets, games ipads.Organise a sporting activity for men and then invite the women.

*A big outdoor B-B-Q (guys like ‘quality’ food on a grill where they can wear jeans and a Tshirt)Good Music, Lots to drink, gives them something to do with their hands.

*Choice of venue is important.

Other tips:

*Events that are being run by a male/s and female/s team is better than a female organiser. Your event will attract more like you.

*A Group of men who know each other are more likely to attend a singles event than to go alone, so consider starting a discipleship group or some other group for single men and then invite them as a group.Ladies, be careful how you talk about men in the presence of men e.g. don’t say things like just the usual boring guys were there, or as usual there weren’t many men there.

*Ladies don’t put men down, don’t criticise them, intimidate them with hundreds of questions.Let the guys choose the social event instead of dragging them off to the hen house.

Finally…. A question for all the single Christian guys out there. Are there any other thoughts that you have which you think will make singles events more appealing? Get in touch and leave some comments.

Janet Wolfe

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